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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270565">Delusion is Haunting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG'>DoreyG</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Do or Die [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Frey &amp; McGray Series - Oscar de Muriel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canonical Character Death, Fingering, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Post-Book 4, Rough Kissing, Throat grabbing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:48:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270565</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s not the worst idea I’ve had in the past few weeks,” he said, admittedly a touch sullenly, and continued to glare as McGray only kept pushing him away with an irritatingly torn expression on his face. “Come on, Nine-Nails. We bury ourselves in each other’s bodies for the night, we have a fun time, we forget the world for a while… I don’t understand what problem you could have with this plan.”</p><p>McGray was looking faintly frantic now, which he would’ve genuinely found rather amusing in any other situation. At the moment, it was just another obstacle to him losing his mind for a while. “We hate each other.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ian Frey/Adolphus "Nine Nails" McGray</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Do or Die [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fic In A Box</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Delusion is Haunting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/linndechir/gifts">linndechir</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This wasn’t the best idea.</p><p>Usually that would’ve been enough to stop him in his tracks, had been enough to stop him in his tracks for the last year or so, but that night it was only an absent side thought. Something that vaguely flitted across his mind and then vanished, as he slid into McGray’s room in the farmhouse that they’d taken refuge in and quietly closed the door behind him. His entire life seemed made up of bad ideas at present moment, one terrible decision after another adding up until he had absolutely nothing left, so he really didn’t see why he shouldn’t add one more to the pile.</p><p>He padded across the room to the big bed, wincing every time he placed his bare feet on the ice cold floor. He kept deliberately quiet, although they were far away from the other people in this house and the farmer had as good as said that he had no interest in anything that they were involved in. This felt like it should be a quiet sort of enterprise, a midnight whisper to be quickly forgotten instead of something that should see the light. He had once abhorred anything that required such secrecy, but now it all seemed rather tempting.</p><p>McGray looked younger while asleep, which really shouldn’t have been a surprise but kind of was. His eyes were closed, and his mouth hung open in an unattractive gawp. The rough blanket that he’d haphazardly thrown over himself had slid down just a little, revealing the bare stretch of his shoulder and upper chest. He had never allowed himself to think of McGray as attractive before, had always turned brutally away from the idea before it could even become an idea, but he allowed himself to look his fill now. The smooth skin, the dark whorls of hair covering his upper chest, the suggestion of strength and power even when he was at repose… McGray was a sight, and tonight he was determined to make that sight all his.</p><p>It seemed almost a shame to wake him, considering how little sleep he seemed to get, but there was no time to hang around. He meant to leave for Gloustershire, for the safe ground of England, the moment that they reached Edinburgh/ Which meant that he only had tonight to lose his mind entirely. He reached out slowly, almost tentatively despite himself, and very slowly laid a hand against McGray’s absurdly warm skin.</p><p>He wasn’t expecting to be immediately grabbed and thrown to the bed, but in hindsight he supposed that it was hardly a surprise either. He gasped as McGray pinned him to the mattress with one hard arm pressed down over his throat, and then deliberately forced himself to ease and appear less of a threat. There was no way to get what he desperately wanted if he allowed McGray to accidentally choke him to death, after all.</p><p>McGray blinked down at him for a long few moments, sleepy and dazed and still so wonderfully intense despite those two things, and then he woke up fully and just frowned down at him in confusion instead “...Percy?”</p><p>He should, he was aware, have more of a negative reaction to being pinned this way. He should be offended at being manhandled, horrified at being attacked, angry at an attempt to hurt him when he hadn’t even been doing anything that bad in the first place. But instead he only felt numb, that same old numbness that’d settled into his bones the moment the island faded out of sight, and so he decided to roll with that instead of trying to summon up anything more harsh. “Hello.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ, I could’ve killed ye.” McGray removed the arm from his throat, a mercy since he really had been starting to choke, but didn’t yet slide entirely off his body. Instead he glanced over to the window, his brow wrinkling in obvious confusion as he took in the darkness of the night outside. “What time is it?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he said, and finally allowed himself to appreciate the weight of McGray on top of him. He’d spent so long pretending that he didn’t want to be pressed into a mattress by a far bigger man, that it now felt like somewhat of a relief to finally allow himself a little more leeway. “Just after midnight, maybe? It seems dark enough.”</p><p>“Not like ye, Percy, not to know the exact second of the day,” McGray teased, and then obviously remembered everything that’d just happened to them and grew tense above him. “Are… Are ye feeling okay?”</p><p>McGray’s uncharacteristic attempt at sympathy should’ve probably reassured him, or at least left him feeling amused, but instead he found himself more miserable than ever. After everything that had happened to him today, genuine sympathy was somehow the last straw. He wanted to bury his head in the sand forever, not think about the wickedness of the Kolomans or the terror of thinking that they were both about to die or the sickening misery of seeing the knife slash across his uncle’s throat.</p><p>“Ian?” McGray pressed after a long few moments of silence, staring up at him with such terribly concerned eyes that made him want to claw his way out of his own skin.</p><p>“No,” he heard himself say, and winced a little at just how bleak his voice sounded. At least it didn’t shake, at least he didn’t do anything embarrassing like burst into tears or admit how unstable his emotions currently were, but it was hardly the breezy image that he wished to present. “Not really.”</p><p>“Oh,” McGray said, sounding actively startled that he was being honest, and then sat back with a sigh. He felt a moment of regret, a moment that for once he didn’t automatically wince away from, at the loss of his seductive weight on top of him. “Ian, why are ye here?”</p><p>He knew very well that he should push the regret back down, along with all the other emotions he was unwisely allowing to bubble to the surface. He should remove himself from McGray’s bed with all due speed, make a weak but serviceable excuse about how he’d just wandered into the wrong room, hurry back to his own dark and cold chamber with all due haste. And in the morning he should travel back to Edinburgh, and from there flee to his uncle’s abandoned house with his virtue safely intact.</p><p>But… He had already lost enough that one more thing, especially a thing as paltry and meaningless as virtue, hardly seemed like too much to give up. And, besides, if he was happily retiring himself to seclusion for the rest of his life he had the feeling that he should at least go into it with a bang.</p><p>He sat up, bringing himself back into McGray’s space. Adopted his most seductive expression, even though he was pretty sure that he looked utterly ridiculous instead of genuinely alluring, and fixed his eyes upon McGray’s face. “I couldn’t sleep. I kept closing my eyes and seeing everything that happened today, and… I thought there was no point in just lying there and allowing it all to wash over me.”</p><p>“Sensible,” McGray said slowly. As predicted, instead of looking particularly tempted he just looked even more confused than before. “That’s why I generally find it so hard to sleep, ye ken. I find it better to actually get up and do stuff than just lie there and dwell on all the shit life tends to throw at ye.”</p><p>“My thoughts exactly,” he said, and dared to go a little further because apparently daring was the only thing that was going to get him what he wanted. He reached out, not entirely sure what he was doing, and ran his fingers slowly up McGray’s bare forearm. “And I’ve just thought of the perfect thing to do.”</p><p>He saw the exact moment that McGray realised what he was aiming for, his eyes went wide and his jaw actually dropped open in shock. “Percy?”</p><p>That sounded like a withdrawal, and he was too far past the point of desperation to resign himself to something like that. Before McGray could say anything further, or physically withdraw and put himself beyond reach, he forced himself to act. Leant forward, sharply, and pressed their mouths together in a way so harsh that it was almost violent.</p><p>He had kissed women before, although admittedly he could count the number of them on one hand, but somehow kissing McGray was different. Maybe it was the fact that, for perhaps the first time in his life, he fully meant it to go further than just a kiss. Maybe it was the bristle of stubble against his chin, scraping against tender flesh in a way that should’ve been deeply unpleasant but was instead deeply exciting. Maybe it was just the fact that he was finally kissing McGray, a person that he genuinely had feelings for - even if those feelings were mostly annoyance - instead of a perfectly acceptable woman. He didn’t exactly know why, but within seconds he found himself embarrassingly addicted.</p><p>Which was unfortunate for many reasons, but primarily because McGray didn’t seem particularly inclined to kiss him in return. He returned the embrace automatically at first, in a slightly startled way that clearly said he hadn’t exactly expected his colleague to throw himself into his arms, but stopped after a few seconds and remained frozen against him. Deliberately not allowing himself to touch, even though he could’ve taken absolutely everything with very little effort.</p><p>It was like kissing a block of ice, except at least a block of ice would’ve melted against him. He made a sharp noise of frustration into McGray’s mouth, drew back to glare at him from a near distance. For a long few moments they just regarded each other, chests heaving and lips kiss bruised and desperation hanging so thickly in the air between them that it was like a physical presence.</p><p>Fine. If McGray was apparently too stupid to take a borderline polite offering, then he would just have to be a lot more obvious about the whole thing. He fumbled for the tie of his robe, got it undone with a few quick jerks of his fingers and parted the fabric before he could think better of his idea. He slid it back over his shoulders, and struggled for a brief second with the idea of folding it before just giving it in and tossing it off the side of the bed. There was no room for neatness in a situation like this, as much as it pained him.</p><p>“Percy-” McGray finally managed to speak, his voice a shaky rasp, and he knew a brief moment of triumph. But no, the <i>stupid</i> man was still just staring at him in confusion instead of with unbridled lust. “What are ye doing?”</p><p>“Distracting myself,” he said shortly, dwelling on just how stupid a man could be, and leant forward again. McGray’s lips had been nice even when they were unresponsive, maybe having a naked and willing man in his arms would be enough to kick his response up a notch and bring back that familiar passion that he usually pretended to hate.</p><p>McGray stopped him with an arm shoved hastily between them, pressing against his now bare chest, and he could’ve screamed. His eyes were still wide and faintly startled, but less confused by the minute. “I’m not sure that this is the best idea.”</p><p>“It’s not the worst idea I’ve had in the past few weeks,” he said, admittedly a touch sullenly, and continued to glare as McGray only kept pushing him away with an irritatingly torn expression on his face. “Come on, Nine-Nails. We bury ourselves in each other’s bodies for the night, we have a fun time, we forget the world for a while… I don’t understand what problem you could have with this plan.”</p><p>McGray was looking faintly frantic now, which he would’ve genuinely found rather amusing in any other situation. At the moment, it was just another obstacle to him losing his mind for a while. “We hate each other.”</p><p>“Hate is a strong word,” he admitted, even more annoyed that he now had to bring emotion into this. He had thought that McGray would be thrilled to have a meaningless coupling with no questions asked, but apparently he had underestimated the man’s confusing and irritating levels of morality yet again. “I dislike you sometimes, quite intensely at present moment, but I don’t consider that a significant barrier. Besides, you’re the only person here I trust.”</p><p>McGray blinked hard at that, which made him rather glad that he hadn’t revealed the whole truth and told him that - at present moment - he was perhaps the only person he trusted fully in the entire world. “Ye don’t even like men.”</p><p>“A small detail,” he said, and rolled his eyes when McGray gave him a look that pointed out - somehow entirely without words - that it was actually a rather big detail all things considered. “Look, it’s not that I <i>don’t</i> like men. It’s just that I’ve never really, ah, allowed myself to give in to certain attractions before. It turns out that I’m not entirely opposed to them. Not as inclined to them as I am to the fairer sex, of course, but-”</p><p>“Good for ye,” McGray interrupted him, now starting to look faintly incredulous. “Not the time, place, or person with which to explore this revelation.”</p><p>Really, the man was just determined to get in the way of his plans at every single possible opportunity. He glared again, tried to press forwards against McGray’s restraining arm and was even more annoyed when he didn’t budge an inch. “Whyever not?”</p><p>“Because yer currently extremely traumatized, obviously not in your right mind and probably in need of a good lie down instead of a roll in the hay with a man who, the vast majority of the time, ye wouldn’t spit on if he was on fire!” McGray took in a deep breath. And then, in a way that was somehow worse than all that had come before, his face softened just slightly. “Fuck, Percy, ye just watched yer uncle die in front of ye a few hours ago. I understand desperation, but this isn’t the self destructive behaviour ye should be indulging in right now.”</p><p>“That’s exactly why I want to indulge in it!” He yelled, losing his temper entirely. McGray had obviously meant to calm him down, to be <i>kind</i>, and suddenly he was absolutely furious at everything. McGray, the Kolomans, the entire fucking world that apparently couldn’t allow him a single break no matter how hard he tried. “It has suddenly come home to me, in vivid detail, that life is exactly as shit as my father - who I always thought to be the most miserable bastard alive - always said it was. All I want to do is bury my head in the sand for a few moments longer, and try to ignore the fact that everything in my life is absolutely pointless because no matter how hard I try it’s all going to be ripped away from me in the end. Now, will you <i>please</i> stop pretending to have any kind of scruples, and actually help me to feel alright for just a few motherfucking seconds?”</p><p>He had never yelled so loudly at anyone, not even McGray who had seen him at his very worst. They stared at each other in faintly stunned silence for a long few moments, the words ringing between them as they both came to terms with what they had both revealed.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt ye,” McGray blurted at last, just when he was thinking that he’d bared a little too much and that even one more day in McGray’s company would be far too much to tolerate. “I know we don’t like each other, or at least we haven’t up until now, but I don’t want to do something that yer going to regret forever. Not when yer already feeling so bad, not when ye’ve already lost so much.”</p><p>It was surprisingly sweet, and most definitely not what he wanted. He drew himself up, met McGray’s eyes scornfully. “Why don’t you let me worry about that?”</p><p>McGray pursed his lips, looking perhaps more receptive before but also a lot more uncertain. “Percy…”</p><p>“Please, Nine-Nails.” It felt awful to beg, awful to lower himself to such a point of vulnerability after a day where every single one of his vulnerable points had not only been exposed but held gleefully up for perusal by anybody around, but he had little other option if he didn’t want to leave with his tail between his legs. He rocked forwards, pleased to notice a little give in McGray’s restraining arm now, and attempted to flutter his eyelashes in a seductive way. “You know you want to.”</p><p>He hadn’t been expecting very much to tell truth, perhaps an even more humiliating rejection than before judging by the way that his life was currently going, but what he received was entirely unexpected. McGray’s eyes went wide again, and his expression went raw and open in a way that said far more than simple words ever could.</p><p>“Oh,” he said, startled, and on instinct leant even further into McGray’s ever so warm flesh. “Oh, Nine Nails.”</p><p>McGray stared at him for a second more, long enough for him to realize that they’d both had an unfortunate amount of their vulnerabilities unwillingly bared that night, and then jerked away from him fully. He removed his arm from where it was pressing against his naked chest, and made to climb out of the bed and presumably leave the room entirely. “Percy-”</p><p>He grabbed McGray’s arm before he could move further than a few inches, finding himself surprisingly - or perhaps unsurprisingly, considering how much he’d lived through in the past few hours - unwilling to let him go. “Look, it doesn’t matter.”</p><p>McGray paused halfway out of the bed, looked back at him. He was panting and desperate, looking decidedly incredulous again in a way that really shouldn’t have been encouraging. But then there was the raw expression that had crossed his face, and there was that barely muffled desire still so very present in his eyes.</p><p>“We don’t have to make anything of it,” he said deliberately, and shifted up on his knees in the bed. His cock, which had varied between distressingly limp and hopefully half hard throughout this entire conversation, bobbed up with him as he moved and he saw McGray’s eyes flicker down to it briefly. “We don’t have to mock each other, or think about what this means, or make it any bigger than what it is. We just please each other for a night, forget everything that’s happened to us and have a good time for once.”</p><p>McGray’s face twisted reluctantly for a moment, but he didn’t move to yank his arm away again. “Percy-”</p><p>“<i>Please</i>,” he begged again, but somehow it was less humiliating than last time. Perhaps it was him becoming more resigned to his lot in life, or perhaps it was just the way that McGray continued to look at him despite himself. “Please. Can’t we just let each other have this, just for now?”</p><p>There was a long moment of silence, in which he thought that McGray would shake his hand off and depart at any moment. McGray stared at him with unreadable eyes throughout, his expression still frozen between reluctance and terrible temptation.</p><p>...And then, very slowly and to his considerable disbelief, he sighed. “Is the door locked?”</p><p>He blinked for a moment, not having expected the capitulation at all. And then he grinned, more uncontrolled than he had been since he’d been a little child and his mother had still been alive, and slid off the bed himself. “I can lock it.”</p><p>McGray nodded, still a little reluctant but with lust spreading steadily further over his face with every moment that passed, and he scrambled fully to his feet and headed for the door. It was a little awkward moving through a room completely naked, most of the time he even slid his dressing gown on in bed before rising, but he resigned himself to the fact with surprising ease considering that McGray’s eyes were still glued to him. He hurried to the heavy wooden door in about three steps, locked it quickly and spun around to see what McGray would do next.</p><p>When he turned around McGray was already kneeling up in the bed himself, the blanket finally shoved aside so that he could see all of him. He was wearing a pair of loose trousers, somehow even baggier than the monstrosities he tended to wear in everyday life, and they clung to him in such a way that he could see he was already half hard himself. He was clutching a bottle of oil in his hands, toying with it in a way that made him nervous and excited all at once.</p><p>“If we’re gonna do this, then ye need to be prepared,” McGray explained, almost reluctantly, at his questioning look. And then reached out, beckoned him closer with one imperious hand that really should’ve annoyed him instead of exciting him. “Now, come back here.”</p><p>“Works for me,” he said, attempting to sound as casual as possible with his heart pounding in his ears, and sauntered closer in an insouciant manner that he hoped would both give him time to brace himself and drive McGray mad with thwarted desire. “It’d be nice if you’d join me in my current state yourself, though.”</p><p>By his current state he meant naked, and he had the unique pleasure of witnessing the exact moment McGray realized that. His eyes fluttered shut briefly, as he took it in, and when he opened them again lust was definitely the predominant emotion in them. “Ach, why not?”</p><p>Under his eyes, his rather disbelieving eyes all things considered, McGray rose to his feet and lowered his hands to the waistband of his trousers. He didn’t particularly make a show of it, didn’t particularly seem inclined to tease even though he had to know that he could’ve done so quite easily. Instead he simply tugged them down over his hips in one brusque movement, and continued until he could kick them off his ankles and stand bare.</p><p>He hadn’t allowed himself to dream about McGray naked before, but if he had the true picture would’ve been so much different than what his desperate mind could’ve come up with. McGray was prematurely aged above the neck, but his body was most certainly that of a young man. He was impressively muscled, covered in thick dark hair over his arms and chest and trailing down his stomach, and with a frankly massive cock rising up between his legs. He was the most handsome man that he’d ever seen.</p><p>It was all too much, a large part of him just wanted to give up and flee. But that would’ve been a silly thing to do, especially when he was so very close to finally achieving his goals. Instead he girded his loins, and then actively threw himself at McGray in what was quite possibly the most undignified moment of his life.</p><p>McGray didn’t seem to particularly mind, all things considered. He obviously hadn’t been expecting his frantic lunge, but he still caught him in his arms with only minimal stumbling and dragged him closer as he surged up. And then they were kissing, desperate and hot and so filthy that he felt his toes curling against the cold floor at the sheer intensity of it.</p><p>They staggered their way back to the bed like that, basically biting at each other’s mouths all the way. They didn’t even stop when the backs of McGray’s knees hit the mattress. Instead McGray sat down, in one of the more sensible moves of his life, and he crawled immediately on top of him. It was much easier in this position to roll his body down against him, to grind their cocks together with an abandon that would’ve appalled him even a day ago. Before his whole life had turned upside down, and left ashes in its wake.</p><p>McGray moaned into his mouth, a rough sound that predictably went straight to his cock, and wrapped his arms encouragingly around his waist. He allowed the making out and grinding for a long moment, and then slowly started to lower the both of them back to the bed. Making sure, through some strange magic that he didn’t feel particularly inclined to question, that their lips remained sealed together all the way.</p><p>He hardly objected to such intimacy. In fact, the exact opposite. He found himself moaning eagerly into McGray’s mouth, and attempting to roll them the moment they were flat on the bed. He wanted all of McGray’s not inconsiderable weight on him, that big body pressing him down into the mattress and making him forget absolutely everything.</p><p>McGray allowed this for a moment in an almost tolerant manner, pinning him down so sweetly that he genuinely marvelled that it’d taken them this long and this many disasters to get to that point, and then nipped almost apologetically at his lips. Before he knew it, and entirely without his consent, their positions were reversed and he was neatly straddling McGray’s hips.</p><p>He couldn’t help it, he was rather past the point of shame what with the knowledge that he was allowing himself only this night before fucking off to England as soon as possible. He made a sharp noise of protest, yanked back from McGray’s ever so distracting mouth in favour of glaring instead.</p><p>“Eager,” McGray said, and while his voice was mocking his eyes were soft in a way that he didn’t want to examine too closely. “Have ye ever done this before, Percy?”</p><p>“Maybe,” he said, admittedly a touch petulantly, and rolled his hips down against McGray’s in a way that was possibly meant to prove a point but instead only succeeded in driving him half out of his own mind with lust.</p><p>“Percy,” was the only thing that McGray said, admirably stern despite the fact that his cock was now fully hard between his thighs.</p><p>“Alright, fine. <i>No</i>, no I haven’t,” he admitted reluctantly, still somewhat petulant, and had no option but to allow it when McGray reached up and stilled the teasing movement of his hips by grasping them tightly in his absurdly big hands. “Not with a man, at any rate.”</p><p>McGray arched an eyebrow, but his expression was more genuinely curious than mocking. Huh, perhaps he was capable of following basic ground rules after all. “What about with a woman?”</p><p>It was mildly humiliating, to have his lack of history dragged out of him in such a way, but he soothed himself with the reminder that this time tomorrow none of it would matter. He sat up on McGray’s chest, looked down at him with as much dignity as he could possibly muster considering that he was both naked and fully aroused. “No. Not exactly that, either.”</p><p>“Then I want ye to be in control during this,” McGray said, firmly but also so kindly that he kind of wanted to abandon this entire experiment and leap out through the window instead, and abandoned his tight grip on his hips in favour of yanking him down into another bruising kiss. “Especially right now. When we’re coming together after… Y’know, everything.”</p><p>“Fine,” he said, trying his very hardest to sound actually reluctant, and rolled his hips down against McGray again. Even though he had been looking forward to getting pressed, getting fucked, into the bed he had to admit that the idea of being on top of McGray’s unexpectedly impressive body was hardly unpleasant.</p><p>They lost themselves in rocking against each other again, burying themselves in each other’s bodies and trying their very hardest to ignore the world outside. There was only the slide of flesh against flesh, the catch of McGray’s stubble against his chin, the feeling of McGray’s rough hands eagerly roaming his body. A part of him regretted that they’d only have this night to explore all that they could do to each other, with each other, and he crushed it instantly before he could actually dwell on it.</p><p>McGray thankfully moved to distract him before too long, and he had never been so grateful for the man. Before long his rough hands moved from tracing over the rest of his body to his arse. They groped there for a second, massaging the cheeks in a way that he would’ve never expected to enjoy but found himself extremely interested in, and then very slowly moved to the centre until they were hovering just over his hole.</p><p>He could feel McGray about to ask a question, and he desperately didn’t want to be questioned. He wanted to be fucked within an inch of his life, and then flee back to England without a single word more on the subject of genuine emotion exchanged between them. He made a sharp noise of assent before McGray could even break from his mouth, arched his arse eagerly back against McGray’s probing hands despite every bit of nervousness that throbbed through him.</p><p>McGray stilled against him for a moment, having obviously not expected that, but then quite obviously decided that there was no point in breaking their embrace and pressing for actual answers. Instead he moved those long fingers properly against his hole, started sliding them up and down the crease in slow and deliberate movements.</p><p>He had fully expected to feel uncomfortable, for this to be an awkward process to be tolerated so he could get through to what he really wanted, but to his considerable surprise he found himself rather enjoying the motion. He was awkward and stiff at first, but then found himself slowly but steadily starting to relax. Before long he was even pressing back against McGray’s questing fingers, shuddering every single time they dipped in to run teasingly along his rim.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t long before McGray cursed against his mouth, a lewd word that sent a pleasant heat flaring all through him, and groped off to the side for the briefly discarded bottle of oil. He returned with it soon enough, and he couldn’t help himself from tensing just slightly as he heard the clink of the lid opening and then the slick sounds of McGray coating his fingers with the oil.</p><p>The tension didn’t last long, though, and that in itself was a considerable surprise. It lasted right up to the point where McGray pressed one slick finger against his opening, and then transformed into eagerness instead. He found himself trembling and expectant, almost <i>excited</i> in a way that he had never associated with the abstract concept of sex before, as McGray slowly started to slide his finger in past the rim.</p><p>It hurt a little, admittedly, but not as much as he’d been convinced it would the few times he’d allowed himself to think about it before. It was just a slight stretch, made a little uncomfortable by the feeling of being penetrated by somebody else. He was determined to get used to it, forced himself to breathe in heavily through his nose and relax enough so that McGray’s finger could slide steadily deeper into him. He could feel it caress inside him, strangely, and then he deliberately tensed his muscles around the intrusion and the strangeness turned into a slowly growing feeling of arousal.</p><p>It was a slight surprise when McGray pressed a second slicked up finger against his hole, but not a profound one. He had some idea as to how this was going to progress, after all, and at present moment he wanted that more desperately than anything else. He did his very best to relax, but still couldn’t quite stop himself from tensing a little as McGray slid that second finger inside and started moving it deliberately alongside his first one.</p><p>At first it was intense, the feeling of fullness just <i>too much</i>, but he was determined and McGray was surprisingly talented. He got used to it far more quickly than expected, and then the only thing he had to worry about was the intense pleasure coming right on the heels of the feeling of fullness. He had had some idea, very carefully buried in the recesses of his mind, that he would like feeling split open. But he hadn’t quite been expecting this, the all consuming feeling of pleasure boiling up inside him until he could think of little else but McGray and his shockingly talented fingers.</p><p>McGray gave a pleased grunt, presumably at the shameless way he couldn’t stop himself from moaning, and added a third finger without questioning if that would be alright. In doing so he brushed up against a spot that sent arousal pulsing through him, and so he very quickly decided that such polite questions really had been best avoided. He was properly rolling his hips back against McGray’s hand now, trying to get his fingers ever deeper. A part of him wanted to be taken entirely apart, to somehow find a way to just have McGray’s fingers inside him on a near permanent basis.</p><p>In fact when McGray tried to draw out he just had to reach back and grab the man’s hand by the wrist, hold him there before he could withdraw fully. He was aware that it wasn’t exactly the most dignified thing to do, but he felt rather gloriously beyond his usual ideas of dignity at this point. “You can add another one, if you want.”</p><p>He saw McGray’s eyes widen, felt the three fingertips inside him twitch. He obviously hadn’t been expecting that, such shameless begging from a man who usually prided himself on his levels of dignity, and he felt a brief surge of triumph at finally being able to wrongfoot the bastard. “Are ye sure? It’ll have to be my thumb, ye ken, an’ that might be a bit much for yer first-”</p><p>He wasn’t in the mood for being coddled, or checked on, or even sensibly and kindly guided towards his pleasure. He was in the mood to be fucked, to be entirely taken apart and forget the entire world in the process. He fell forwards until he could rest on one elbow, glare at McGray from up close. “For fuck’s sake, Nine-Nails. Come <i>on</i>.”</p><p>He was expecting a little more arguing, but maybe in the end McGray was just as desperate as him to see the strange energy between them come to a conclusion. He drew in a deep breath, obviously still uncertain, and then shifted his thumb until it was also pressing right up against his entrance. He pushed it in slowly but deliberately, and the expression on his face was briefly one of sheer joy as he bucked up against it.</p><p>Having all of McGray’s fingers, practically his whole fucking <i>hand</i>, inside him was definitely far too much but in the best way possible. He felt hot all over, like his skin was too small for him as he writhed down on McGray’s penetrating hand. He knew that he should feel faintly embarrassed by how out of control he was, probably would look back on this moment later with astonished shame, but for now he could only revel in it. He felt, totally unexpectedly, utterly set free.</p><p>McGray’s expression was downright hungry, feral in a way that he’d never particularly wanted to see from him before. He groaned at the same time as him, seeming to take a definite pleasure in the way he was bucking desperately back onto his fingers, and reached up to curve his free hand almost posessively around his hip. “That’s my sweet Lass.”</p><p><i>Oh</i>. He had never expected to hear that old nickname when he was naked, but if he had been asked to predict his reaction to it it would’ve hardly been a positive one. He froze on top of McGray for a long moment, saw McGray freeze at about the same time underneath him with his eyes wide and his expression uncertain in a way that it’d never really been before.</p><p>But hey, this was a night for allowing himself new experiences. For allowing himself to enjoy things, when before he’d clutched propriety around him like a cape that would protect him from all the world’s ills. He groaned eagerly, encouragingly, and continued to rock his hips back against McGray. He would quite happily be McGray’s sweet lass, he would quite happily be anything that McGray pleased and would love every single moment of it.</p><p>McGray’s eyes went wide with shock for a long moment, and then an almost wolfish grin crossed his face. In the next moment he was being brutally yanked down again, their mouths joining together in a motion that was closer to a bite than a kiss. They made out like that for a long few moments, McGray’s fingers still deep in his arse and McGray’s tongue posessively in his mouth. It was absolutely filthy, and absolutely glorious in a way that he could tell he was going to blush at for years to come.</p><p>Eventually, though, McGray got tired of just making out. He withdrew first his thumb from his hole, and then the other three fingers with a slightly damp noise that sounded decidedly lewd. He made a sharp noise of protest, not so much at the lewdness - which was a battle that he’d deliberately chosen to lose - but at the fact that McGray would <i>dare</i> to withdraw from him when they were right on the edge.</p><p>McGray made a soothing noise in response, which only served to make him more annoyed all things considered, and grasped his hips again. His mind was still slowed by lust, which was his only excuse for how long it took him to realize that McGray was shifting him until his cock pressed right up against his entrance.</p><p>He feared for a moment that McGray was about to check if he was alright again, which seemed like the worst possible thing in the world at present moment, but he didn’t. Instead he just broke from his lips briefly to draw a deep breath in, and then slowly shifted his hips up until his cock - so wide, so thick, so perfectly capable of splitting him open - started to press inside.</p><p>The first thrust kind of hurt. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it shouldn’t have, given that for all its thickness McGray’s cock was still significantly less wide than his entire hand, but that didn’t change the fact that it undeniably did. Perhaps it was the feeling of intimacy, so much closer than he was comfortable with even if he did tell himself that it was only for one night. Perhaps it was the fact that McGray’s cock penetrated so much deeper than his fingers could. Either way, he found himself gritting his teeth as McGray slowly bottomed out within him.</p><p>To his surprise, though, it was all worth it. Became obviously so when he was fully seated, fully pressed against McGray’s impressive body, and heard him whisper, “Lassie,” in such a broken voice into his ear.</p><p>It was still uncomfortable from that point on, but somehow less so now that he definitively knew that they both wanted it. McGray started by thrusting steadily, little jerks of his hips that split him open, but gently. It was perfectly obvious that he’d meant what he’d said about not wanting to hurt him, about wanting to make this entire experience special for him.</p><p>It was good, but not enough. He didn’t want it not to hurt, he didn’t want it to be special in any way that was gentle or romantic. He wanted to be fucked within an inch of his life, taken hard enough that the burn would keep him warm and distracted all the way back to England and maybe a little the rest of the way into his hermitage. He allowed the gentle rocking for a moment, and then started to participate in the thrusts himself. His aim was to drive it ever harder, until they were fucking instead of lovemaking.</p><p>McGray fought him for a while, struggling to keep his thrusts gentle and reasonable, but he had never really been one for excessive amounts of self control. Before long he started to move properly, with a desperation that was quite frankly charming. He clutched at his hips, thrust up into his willing body with a wonderful amount of force, bit at his lips so hard that he tasted blood. When he went so far as to whisper, “Oh, Lassie,” against his mouth again, even more desperate this time, he knew that he’d won.</p><p>And what a victory it was. He allowed himself to be clutched at and bitten, rolling brutally down into McGray’s upwards thrusts and licking desperately at his lips in turn. He felt like something unchained, hot and desperate and <i>longing</i> in a way that he’d never really thought himself capable of. Before long he found himself starting to writhe on top of McGray, desperate to drive himself ever higher.</p><p>His writhing changed their position slightly, and to his delight McGray hardly seemed pleased about that little bit of disobedience. His grip on his hips tightened for a glorious moment, hard enough that he hoped that he would have fingerprint shaped bruises the next day, and then moved up his body with a brutal determination. Before long he was being shifted back into position, held in place with a sharp, “Really, Lassie, be <i>sensible</i>.”</p><p>He didn’t feel like being sensible. He felt like something unchained, wild and free and <i>right</i> in a way that he hadn’t felt since he’d been forced to go to Scotland if not long before that. He moaned in his most provoking manner, continued to wriggle against McGray’s glorious body with a certain focus. He hoped, more desperately than he’d hoped for anything in his life before, that his disobedience would drive McGray into harsh and brutal action.</p><p>McGray was a smart man despite everything, he had to realize what he was attempting, but he seemed perfectly willing to be taken in by such an obvious ploy. He growled against him, a noise that was no reason and all passion, and then fully slid his hands around until one of them closed brutally around his throat. He stiffened in shock, having not expected such a reaction, and McGray pressed his advantage. Held on with a grip just tight enough to send sparks across his vision, and levered himself up on the bed. </p><p>The angle changed suddenly, brutally, and he couldn’t help but cry out at it. This was everything he had ever wanted, and more. A brand new world that he’d never thought to experience, but was now desperately glad that he’d thrown himself into. There was no grief, no fear, no sense of despair so black that he could drown in it if he wasn’t careful. There was only the grip of McGray’s hand around his throat, the powerful movement of McGray’s thighs in between his, the way that McGray looked at him from up close now as if nothing else really mattered. </p><p>McGray studied his face from up close for a long few moments, and then growled again and dragged him in by his neck for another brutal kiss. They were both rushing right up to the edge, and he could feel their rhythm start to unravel as they both lost control. McGray just kept holding him by the throat, and layering brutal kiss upon brutal kiss onto his mouth. And all he could do was hold on for the ride, revel in this unknown side to him that had just been revealed.</p><p>“Lassie,” McGray groaned against his mouth, and then broke just far enough away that he could press their foreheads together in a position somehow far more intimate than their earlier embrace. “Oh, Lassie. <i>My</i> Lassie.”</p><p>“Nine-Nails,” he groaned in reply, knowing that he should be upset at such intimacy but too far gone to be anything but thrilled at it. “Nine-Nails, <i>please</i>. Please…”</p><p>His orgasm came upon him like a wave, except that where waves were messy and utterly unpleasant this seemed like the only good moment in his life. He felt himself fall apart entirely, clenching around McGray and crying out with an abandon that he’d never once managed before. And then there was only white across his vision, and a pleasant ache in all his limbs, and a sense of peace that he’d never thought possible.</p><p>When he came back to himself McGray was staring at him with a slightly stunned expression, his eyes wide and his mouth open as if he’d just experienced a genuine miracle instead of a man falling apart all around him. He didn’t need the feeling in his arse, the surprisingly pleasant sense of fullness, to know that he had come too. They stared at each other from close up for a long few moments, both undeniably breathless and slightly stunned, before McGray dragged them both gently back to the bed.</p><p>When they were lying down McGray shifted just enough so that he could pull out, carefully but still sharply enough that he hissed through his teeth at the sensation, and then turned over on his side. They stared at each other from up close for a long few moments, both slightly uncertain what to do next, and then McGray heaved a heavy sigh and reached out to tease some hair away from where it had been falling into his eyes.</p><p>Fuck it. He’d be fleeing to England in the morning, so he might as well allow himself to have this now. He blew out a deep breath through his nose, and then girded his loins and leaned in to kiss McGray again. It wasn’t really a surprise, when the man only hesitated for a moment before slowly starting to kiss him back.</p>
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